Humpty Dumpty Bothers Me

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

My housemates and I went out to dinner last night. Being the random person that I am, I suddenly brought up the nursery rhyme. And suddenly everybody was trying to talk at once.

Along with being random, I am also known for being compartmentalized, so as one part of me was going crazy trying to get into the conversation (imagine 5 girls trying to argue their own points, in a car... it can get pretty volatile), another part was furiously scribbling (okay, so it wasn't really scribbling, but it was taking note, figuratively... and I'm talking about myself in the 3rd person *sigh*). I realized that there are some things that aren't quite right about that Humpty Dumpty character.

First of all, how did he get up there on the wall? He's an egg. Yes, he does have limbs, but compared to his body, his arms and legs are all spindly. They couldn't possibly have supported his weight as he vaulted himself onto the wall. But let's say, for argument's sake, that he found a way. The next question is, WHY he was up there in the first place? He's an egg. Have you ever tried balancing an egg upright? (I'm guessing he would have to be upright if he was sitting) Of course he'd fall! And he must have known that, being an egg all his life.

So I had this theory. Maybe someone from the village (the one that Humpty lives in, of course) didn't like giant humanoid eggs. And what are the chances of there being 2 humanoid eggs? None. Humpty must have been pretty lonely. They played on that and somehow concocted some bull about there being a fair egg-maiden that takes walks in the meadow by that wall everyday. Humpty gets all excited about meeting a possible partner, forgets everything he knows about eggs (scrawny limbs, not being able to balance and being extremely breakable) puts on his Sunday best and sets off. I'm sure he's sorry now.

And "all the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn't put Humpty together again"? Come on. In a world where a giant walking egg exists, I'm sure there were a bunch of magicians living in the area. Just a flick of a wand, some mumbo jumbo chant, and Humpty would have been as good as new. I think they just wanted him gone, and in the most humiliating way possible. A cracked egg is a messy thing. They must have been laughing silently when Humpty was lying there, his insides seeping into the ground. It DID occur to me that Humpty might have been hard-boiled, then again if he was, he'd be dead. So no. He was raw and runny. Kinda gross if you think about it.

What WERE they thinking when they decided to first teach that to kids?