Friday, October 28, 2005

Personally...

Okay. Today I decided to get personal. =D I know I'll probably regret this later, but what the heck. *grins*

So. I like this guy. In fact, I have since - are you ready for this? - 10 years ago. Those of you who knew me from primary school will probably be rolling on the floor laughing while trying your very hardest not to burst your stomachs, because you'd know who it is. *chuckles* I bet he does too.

Anyhow, I've tried, believe me, to try and just make as if I just have a particular soft spot for him, instead of having less-than-platonic feelings for the idiot. And yes, at times he is. In a funny way. Which is probably why I'm drawn to him. (Apart from the fact that I think he's cute *wink*). In the midst of these 10 years, I've had 2 relationships. Both times, after they didn't work out, I'd always tell myself "Yeah, I'm over him. He's just another nice guy, a good friend", and after awhile, I get a bump on my head, telling me of my mistake. *sigh*

As it is, we are friends. And I'm happy for that. But somewhere in there a sneaky voice is saying "Oh, you'd like to have more, don't cha?", complete with 2 nudges and a wink.

But never fear. =D Acom always has a viable theory as to why this happens. At least, why it's happening this time around.

Here in Sandakan, I have no actual friends. I don't go out, at least not to socialize. My routine goings-out are usually to the supermarket to with my parents for grocery. Since the mind tends to stray when it's bored (or at least mine does), it seeks ways to amuse itself. And somewhere in there, within the archives of my memories, it finds an interesting tidbit labeled under "crushes". Somehow, it decided to pick up the folder filed under the aforementioned idiots name. So there you go. Case closed! Hurrah!

*ahem* Well, I'll just have to make myself believe that I'll get over this. In the words of Salt N' Pepa, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, you will achieve" (That's taken out of the song "Body Beautiful". If any of you haven't heard this one yet, you should look it up. It's a cool song =D).

So, as much as I'm irritated at myself for feeling them, they're kind of nice. As I said, it does give me a thrill once in awhile. *chuckles* Especially, when I check my cellphone and find he's left me a message. I know it's probably going to be something like "I'm going to One Utama to get Sushi", just to get me riled, but what the heck. And if you're wondering, he DOES know how I feel. *sigh* It's complicated. He's with someone else. Has been, for years. But...argh what am I saying? *sigh* Whatever it is, I'm sure when I start classes again, I'll meet more people, and see that there are more people to drool over *wink*.

7 comments:

hteekay said...

The key of forgetting something is to not force yourself to forget it. By doing that you will only force the fish bone deeper in your throat.

But since you looked like you are having a great time remembering it. Forget everything that I've said ealier.

Forget~~~ forget~~~ forget~~~~~

tweela said...

I think memories like that tend to keep us going somehow.
Its like the past is a pattern we can't seem to live without or forget about because the moment we do, it tends to happen all over again.
So I keep them but I set them free. Does that make any sense?

hmm hmm

pablo said...

Fish bone down your throat?
LOL
I must agree on that.
Also....one never forgets a BIG fish bone too.

Looks like this is one of it ...;P

elf said...

10 years..WOW

hella cute =)

and im dropping this note to my fellow bloggers:
i won't be able to drop in as often anymore..still settling down here in berlin..no inet connection.. lol

take care com

Anonymous said...

i wish i had a crush that i can still remember.. nikademus pun not that lawa ne more.. but who would've thought that pierre ended up working with him. ha ha funny lagitu. he said something about. "hey u know, im married to paya's sister" or something. and he said something else that i cant remember to nikademus. how embarassing! ha ha ha.

anyways, love ya!

Regards to everyone & Happy Raya!!

sincerely,
Paya

Anonymous said...

he = abang pere.

pablo said...

Happy Raya! *hugs*